my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
