The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
