Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
