i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
