I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
