even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
