Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
