i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
