I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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