Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize