dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
