why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
