i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
