Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
