woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
