This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize