Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
