He disabled his match.com account in front of me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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