we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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