Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
