I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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