I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
