Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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