The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
