i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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