I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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