she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
