oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
