K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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