If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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