You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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