Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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