that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
