i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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