All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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