If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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