direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
