maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
