I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
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