I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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