i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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