I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
tell me about the eggs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
