Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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