the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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