wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize