and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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