just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
