Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
