PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
