I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
