So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
