I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
