So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I did not marry a roomba.
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