this beer tastes like vomit already
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
