erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
