Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
