i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
