so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
