My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize