Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize