I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
