And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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