Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
