I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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