He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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