I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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