I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
