Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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