why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
