I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We don't watch enough power rangers
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
