I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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