well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
