I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
