we have officially lost it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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