Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
