Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
