it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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